Understanding What Forgiveness IS and IS NOT

 Understanding What Forgiveness is and is not

*What forgiveness is NOT:

-it is not an erasure of memory. Forgiving is not forgetting.

-it does not mean that the seriousness of the offense has been minimized.

-it does not mean giving the offender full reign to repeat the offense.

-it does not mean excusing the offense.

-it does not mean that the person doesn’t have to face the consequences of his/her sin.

-it does not mean all of the damage is overlooked.

-it does not mean that trust is automatically restored.

-it does not mean the other person was right.

*What forgiveness IS:

-it is going on with our lives.

-it is no longer allowing the offender or the offense to control us.

-it is working through the anger, hurt, and bitterness to let them go, so the offender cannot continue to control us.

It is no longer blaming ourselves for the offense or its results.

*What causes unforgiveness?

-the offense was too great.

-the person will not accept responsibility or admit to the offense.

-the person isn’t truly sorry.

-the person never asked for forgiveness.

-the person did it too many times.

-we don’t like the person.

-the person did the offense deliberately.

-if I forgive, I will have to treat the offender well.

-someone has to punish the person for the offense.


**Why do we need to forgive?

2 Cor. 2:10-11
Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.


Mt 6:14-15For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.




Mt 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.



And don’t forget: We must forgive because unforgiveness will poison us and cause us great harm.

Jesus knows what unforgiveness does to us so He strongly tells us not to harbor it in our hearts no matter how much we have been wronged. It will only destroy us. It does not hurt the one who hurt us. It blocks our prayers, hurts our relationships, keeps us from enjoying full fellowship with the Lord, poisons our own minds, hearts and bodies. It keeps us from experiencing the healing we need and blocks God's grace to us. It blocks His Spirit from flowing from within us to others, too. So, it is something we need to deal with seriously!